What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 05:41
Especially a lifetime of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Comes on , in middle age.
"Oh, Mary!" star Cole Escola manifested their Tony win the old-fashioned way - Salon.com
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Logan Gilbert sees velocity dip in rehab start | Mariners injury updates - The Seattle Times
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The Unlikely Group Getting Rich Off Dave’s Hot Chicken’s $1 Billion Deal - Forbes
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
Why do very skinny girls get more male attention if it is true that men like curves?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Life from oceans to savannas explained with one single rule - Phys.org
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Ive learnt so much.
What does the stink of the skunk look like? Why would it be dangerous?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Important scientific finding confirms ancient biblical events - The Brighter Side of News
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Have you worn a tight black mini skirt?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it wasn’t much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
How corporate America learnt not to mess with Texas - Financial Times
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I said to her
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
NASA Pulls the Plug on Europa Lander, but Scientists Propose a Plan B - Gizmodo
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I have no regrets .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She married twice! .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One cannot live in the past .
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She loved him until the end.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I waited trembling.
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were not on the streets..
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was in good health!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Who then, do I blame.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She wouldn,t have been !
I was 9 years of age.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is soul school!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was scared of men, in general
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I couldn’t, believe it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I don,t even have a pension.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
All the time i was locked up.
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My family never makes their pension either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So, i spoilt her more .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was very sick at this time too.